Sometimes I get so weary in life. The details never end. Tasks and goals tower over me tauntingly, sitting, waiting to be completed, to be reached. The rhythm of time rolls in my head. Sometimes quiet, sometimes loud. At first too slow, now too fast. Always reminding me of deadlines to make, and that time used unwisely will never be given back to me.
Life is getting stuffy and these inanimate things are closing in on me. My eyes are getting tired because they are too close to the page. All I can see are details, and they are blocking out my dreams. I'm running in circles, stuck, overwhelmed, afraid.
I catch a breath of fresh air and I remember that I am in control of my life. I get to decide where I want to go. (which can be a scary thing, but right now it's good to remember.) I take a big step back and look at the big picture. I've grown so much since just this time last year. All these years have carried me to the place that I am at now. I look at the present, and I realize that all these burdens are actual things that I love. I am actually living my dreams, and when I see it that way, I have to apologize to God, and to myself, for letting my life take control of me, instead of me take control of my life. For letting these things that are actually gifts grow out of proportion and out of control in my mind. When I look at my life through His lens, all I can do is thank him, because all I see are good plans. I have life, I can breathe, and there are people all around me that love and support me.
I look at the future, and at eternity, and at God, who doesn't actually live in time. I remember that I have a God bigger than my fear and my problems. I remember how unworthy I am, and that God flipped that around when he called me his daughter. I remember that I am too much of a human to do everything I'll ever want to do. I'll never be perfect, and I'll never please everyone in the human kingdom (including myself.) I remember that I live in God's kingdom. And the ones that become great in that kingdom; they serve.
The reason I live in that kingdom is because I love the King. The reason I love the King is because He loved me first. He's bigger than time, and light, and created things, yet he chose me. Out of all the sin and dirt, he saw me. Out of all the mass of Himself and his other creations he found me (which is crazy to think about because he's very big) and he knows me. Intimately, in spite of my imperfectness, my wretchedness, my despair, my fear, and however many a day I trip and fall. (which is a lot more than I would like to say...) He picked me to be his daughter because he saw the princess I would become.
And nothing else in life matters but loving my King. My dream is to see and love the princess and prince he made myself and others to be. And when I look at the gift of life through his eyes, I can't wait to get out of bed in the morning. My understanding is small, but his mercy is new, the discoveries to be made are fresh, and whatever I do I can't make him love me, because he already loved me to the end.